I feel like hell today. But, this is why I have this chair. I can still do something.
I ran into my neighbor, and her daughter, in the driveway. They were happy for me. Then, at McClintock, I caught the bus to Southern. Forcing myself to go beyond self-consciousness. My first surprise was learning that the bus is not free to wheelchairs. I thought it was. My bad.
And now, here I am. First time, in my favorite coffee shop.
In my wheelchair.
I received it yesterday afternoon. In my driveway. Running, again, into my neighbors. I was very grateful, but I felt guilty. I felt well enough, in yesterday’s hot afternoon, to question whether the chair was a necessity.
But, after dark, with a strong, spring, wind blowing, I took it for a spin to the corner store, for a bag of chips. Just to have something to do on a dark and mysterious evening.
And yes. I was high.
I caused a bit of a headache for the store owner, by trying to breach the front door from my seat. It took a minute of struggle, before he came to my aid. He apologized, profusely. But, I insisted I needed to learn how to do these things. And then.
I got stuck. I made it through the door, and down the first tiny aisle, brushing some few snacks to the floor. And, I turned the corner, to find myself.
Cornered. No path, back to the counter, except from where I came. I had to back up, because he had crowded the floor so tight with merchandise. But first.
I grabbed a bag of Lay’s. Then, the owner spent a couple, more minutes, backing me with hand signs and instructions. Pronounced, Bengali.
I was embarrassed, because I could have used my cane and my car, if I really wanted those chips. Instead, we enjoyed our own private circus, because I was curious to do this, once the day had cooled.
I hope he enjoyed it. I thought it was fun, except for putting him out.
But, by the time I returned to the garage, and plugged it in, I had decided that, I only made the trip because I had the chair. Otherwise, I did feel crappy enough that, before yesterday, without it. I would have rationalized.
I wasn’t very hungry for chips. And here I am, this evening, in my favorite coffee shop, writing. This definitely would not have happened, feeling like this, before yesterday.
This is wonderful. I am beyond self-conscious. I am happy.