So, yeah. I picked up and moved. For the past few years I had been stuck. Stuck largely to furniture, thanks to gravity. Stuck in a relatively small home that grew to overwhelm me as my strength diminished. Stuck, in the sense that I had never been disabled before. I had so much yet to learn and experience, before I could even begin to think of getting myself unstuck.
Four years ago I was still working. 48 months ago I had been living with my diagnosis for only about seven about months. Working had become extraordinarily difficult. Like a stubborn mule, I did not know I had to change my thinking. I already was disabled. But it wouldn’t register. So I persevered into 2013. March, April and May were the months that changed my thinking. I kept missing days at work. Every time I called in, I remember believing. Even though I can’t move today, I should feel better by tomorrow. My boss knew my situation. And I had accrued close to a year in sick days. Until the previous year, I never called into work. I prided myself on my endurance. By that spring, I was missing two days a week, then three, then four. Will power and intention were no longer sufficient to move my body.
Things would eventually get a lot worse. But now I live in North Carolina. I relocated to be nearer to immediate family. And I am dealing with things much better. I still have muscular dystrophy (of course!). In terms of strength, I am weaker than before. But in terms of energy, and ability, I have improved. In the coming days I will begin to share this story.
About three years ago I began this blog. I was further into my collapse, but still hadn’t bottomed out. I began the blog because I felt moved to write about my experiences. Not so much the physical. But the spiritual. I was in the midst of another big change in life. This one was about as profound as any I have been through. While I felt called to write about my experiences, the act of writing was becoming increasingly difficult.
Back then, I was stymied. My life was no longer moving forward. It still had momentum, but mine had spun out of control. Three years ago I wanted to tell this story. Now, I finally can begin. Back then, seeing my story was not yet possible. I had lessons to learn, and difficulties to overcome. I realized I couldn’t tell this story while living it. First, I had to change my circumstances.
Now, I can begin to unravel things. Here’s what happened, as I remember it. First I crashed headlong into reality. Recovery was an ordeal. But eventually I got up and reassessed things. I had to make a lot of changes. But my life is finally moving forward again. Attention to the patterns that make up my life was key.